Managing Up: How to Get What You Need From the People in Charge
The strategic conversations that transform your career from overlooked to indispensable
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: Your brilliant work doesn’t speak for itself. Your late nights grinding through projects, your innovative solutions, your unwavering dedication — none of it guarantees you’ll get the recognition, resources, or respect you deserve.
The professionals who rise aren’t necessarily the smartest or hardest working. They’re the ones who’ve mastered the art of managing up.
I attended a workshop lead by Melody Wilding, author of “Managing Up” & “Trust Yourself.” She is an executive coach, author, and leadership expert. Melody’s mission is to help professionals break through self-doubt and rise as impactful leaders, and her approach to helping individuals feel in control of their careers and make bold career moves without compromising their authentic selves.
Here are some of my key takeaways.
What Managing Up Really Means
Managing up isn’t about manipulation or office politics. It’s about building strategic relationships with the people who hold the keys to your career progression. It’s the skill of influencing upward to create mutual success — getting what you need while delivering exceptional value.
Executive coach Melody Wilding, who’s spent nearly 15 years working with top companies like Microsoft, breaks this down into what she calls “10 Essential Conversations.” These aren’t just formal meetings — they’re the everyday interactions that shape how you’re perceived, valued, and positioned for growth.
The framework is sequential and strategic. Each conversation builds the foundation for the next, creating a systematic approach to gaining respect, recognition, and influence in your organization.
The 10 Conversations That Change Everything
1. The Alignment Conversation: Get Crystal Clear on What Actually Matters
Before you can manage up effectively, you need to understand what truly moves the needle for your boss and organization. This isn’t about your job description — it’s about the metrics that keep leadership awake at night.
Smart questions to ask:
“What are the most important metrics you discuss with your manager?”
“What does good performance look like over the next 3–6 months?”
“Where do you see the biggest opportunities and challenges ahead?”
Pro tip: Create a “power map” to identify who else beyond your direct boss needs to be aligned with your work. Focus on people with high influence AND high interest in your projects.
2. The Styles Conversation: Decode Their Operating System
Every leader has a unique communication style, processing speed, and work approach. Your job is to become fluent in their language.
Melody introduces the 4C communication model based on dominance and sociability levels. But here’s the practical application: create a “Me Manual” — an operating guide for yourself that includes your preferences for processing information, work environment, and feedback methods. Share this with your manager and ask for theirs in return.
The result? Fewer misunderstandings, smoother collaboration, and stronger working relationships.
3. The Ownership Conversation: Choose Your Battles Wisely
This is where you move from task-taker to problem-solver. The key is choosing the right problems — ones that matter to decision-makers and showcase your strategic thinking.
Look for:
Bottlenecks that slow down processes
Neglected needs that keep surfacing
Repeated feedback that never gets addressed
Upcoming challenges that need solutions
Frame your ideas around reducing pain points and increasing results. Always present options, not just problems. Show how your solutions save time, earn money, or increase efficiency.
The pre-suasion technique: Before presenting a full solution, ask questions to gauge reactions and build support gradually. “I’ve been thinking about X challenge — have you noticed similar patterns?”
4. The Boundaries Conversation: Say No Without Saying No
Here’s where most people struggle. How do you push back on extra work without seeming uncooperative?
The trade-off approach: When new work comes your way, acknowledge that something has to give. Present options for what gets deprioritized or delegated.
Before responding to requests, ask:
“What made you think of my team for this?”
“Who else is involved in this project?”
“How does this fit with our current priorities?”
This buys you time, gathers information, and positions you as thoughtful rather than reactive.
5. The Feedback Conversation: Speak Up Strategically
Giving upward feedback is an art. The ABCS model makes it constructive:
Strip away Assumptions: Focus on behaviors, not intentions
Focus on Behaviors: Stick to observable actions
Suggest Changes: Offer specific alternatives
Create Shared goals: Align on desired outcomes
Remember: Always repair the relationship afterward by acknowledging positive changes and reinforcing desired behaviors.
The Career-Accelerating Conversations
6. The Networking Conversation: Build Your Internal Coalition
Internal networking isn’t schmoozing — it’s relationship building with three key groups:
Decision-makers: Those who control resources and opportunities
Powerful peers: Colleagues at your level with influence
Behind-the-scenes operators: The people who make things happen
The pocket update: Keep key stakeholders informed with brief, valuable updates about your work and its impact.
7. The Visibility Conversation: Get Seen for Your Contributions
Visibility requires intentional storytelling and self-nomination. Don’t wait to be discovered — nominate yourself for speaking opportunities, cross-functional projects, and leadership roles.
Master the art of the story: Frame your contributions in terms of business impact, not just task completion.
8. The Advancement Conversation: Position Yourself for Growth
Contract with your manager around specific skills, experiences, and metrics needed for your next role. Make your development plan explicit and measurable.
Key question: “What specific experiences or skills do I need to develop to be ready for [target role] in the next 12–18 months?”
9. The Compensation Conversation: Project Future Value
Don’t negotiate based on past performance alone — project future value. Use language based on fairness and reciprocity.
Frame it as: “Based on the expanded scope of my role and the value I’ll be creating, I’d like to discuss adjusting my compensation to reflect this contribution.”
Even when leaving, handle transitions thoughtfully. Express gratitude, keep communication forward-looking, and play a proactive role in transition planning.
Your reputation follows you everywhere. How you leave one role often determines how you’re received in the next.
The Bottom Line
Managing up isn’t about playing politics — it’s about taking ownership of your career trajectory. These conversations transform you from someone who simply executes tasks to someone who shapes outcomes and influences direction.
Start with one conversation this week. Pick the area where you feel the biggest gap and begin there. Remember, managing up is a skill that compounds — each conversation builds the foundation for the next.
Your career success isn’t just about what you deliver — it’s about how strategically you deliver it and how effectively you communicate that value to the people who matter most.
Which conversation will you have first? The alignment conversation is often the best starting point — understanding what truly matters to your organization creates the context for everything else.